So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
