If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
