one word: firstdatebathroomanal
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
then he tried to convert me to islam
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
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