I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
