bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
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