Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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