how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
