He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Randomize
