All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
