I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Randomize
