Im at strip club and am horny
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
