But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
