Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
