She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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