No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
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