part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
