you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
