I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
