i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
