Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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