pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
