1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
