I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Randomize
