i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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