she was so not down for the gang bang
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize