i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
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