Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
