I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
