U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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