You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
His wife just cheated on him for the third time. I'm his first extra-marital fling, that makes it ok, right? You know to keep karma balanced in the universe
Your logic is flawless...
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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