I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
Randomize
