just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
ttyl tear gas
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
