wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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