The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Randomize
