i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
