I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
i just sent this text using only my big toe
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
