If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
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