I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
