i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Randomize
