I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just found a bag of teeth...
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
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