Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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