i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
