just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
