you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
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