im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
