The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Randomize
