I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
zippers are such a cool invention
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
