A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
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