guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
why didn't we just drop out of school years ago and become dominatrix bitches who beat men?
I don't know but we should still do that
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
For breaking and entering. I think neighbor dan cared more about me puking in his backseat than the surprise of me waking up there
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
