Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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