I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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