Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
