a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
