Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Drunk is not a location!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
