How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Randomize
