you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Randomize