You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
Randomize
