Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
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