Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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