Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
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