I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
Drake has all the answers
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
