I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
