I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
