So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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