So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
My vagina just recognized that song.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Randomize
