Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
