So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
